Tell him.. He’s home.

If you love him…

Watch him closely as he fumbles through the clothes at the men’s section, unable to decide what colour suits his dark complexion. Stand behind him in front of the mirror as he puts on a shirt that slightly reveals the tiny bulge in his tummy. Follow the lack of confidence in his gaze, as he looks at you for approval. Tell him it fits him perfectly. Watch his eyes light up, remember the gratitude you see in them.

Listen to him, when you’re out on a date and he is blabbering on and on about why Thanos killed half the human race. Even if you don’t understand a word he says, even if it’s not your cup of tea. Listen to him as he talks about the things he loves. Go home and secretly download the Avengers, wake him up at midnight just so you can binge together. Watch him cry like a ten year old when Spiderman dies. Never forget the child you see, trapped in a man’s body.

Wake him up with coffee and scrambled eggs. Quietly get into bed beside him, run your fingers through his tangled hair. Watch him sleep like a baby, tired of a society that constantly tells him to ‘be a man.’ Know that your arms are his safe haven, that he fights the whole world, everyday, only to come home to you. Trace your fingers on his untrimmed cheeks, gently kiss his forehead. Notice how he hugs you tightly, smiles in his sleep. Screenshot that smile, save it in a corner of your mind.

Give him the space he needs. Understand when he tells you that he wants to play PUBG on a Saturday night, instead of going out with you. Don’t think he loves you any less. Dive into Pochinki with him, match him toe to toe, watch him slaughter anything that gets in your way. Rest assured, on Sunday evening, you’ll find two movie tickets bookmarking the novel you’re reading.

Stand by him in his worst days. Know that he is not as strong as he pretends to be. Join him with a cup of coffee, when he is standing alone in the balcony at 2am, smoking his eleventh cigarette. Hold him when he is breaking down in your arms, falling apart.. sobbing so violently that you think he might die. Know that he is not weak for crying in front of you, that he trusts you more than he trusts himself, to show you his most vulnerable side. Even when he tries to run away, take on his demons all by himself, hold on to him..and don’t let go. Kiss him hard..hard enough to make him forget the things he doesn’t want to remember. Rip his clothes off, let him feed on you like a hungry wolf. Bruise him, dig your nails into his back, take control of him, let him control you…and as he moves inside you, look into his eyes and tell him you love him.

Tell him, he doesn’t have to run anymore.

Tell him, he is home.

Change is going to happen.

I have understood what you meant, what everyone told me but I was stubborn enough to believe that I am not going to let it happen.

But this had to happen,

But this is going to happen.

Today or Tomorrow,

whether you and I like it or not;

We are all going to Grow Up one day.

Change is never in your control. Specially when it comes to friendships. You put in all the efforts into your friendship, you always try to give it more priority than other important stuff and end up getting screwed up in some way or the other. When you put in too much of effort, you say you don’t, but you do start expecting the same from the other end . And when you don’t get back what you have put in, you start feeling empty. What you fail to understand is that everyone has a saturation level and a life of their own. Just because she is your best friend doesn’t mean that she is always going to be there with you the way she has been, all these years.  She is going to find the love of her life . She is going to get her dream job. She is going to move away to a different country and is going to find better people than you; and same for You!  These people might not love and understand her the way you do, they might not put in their best for her birthday party but they are the ones she is going to hang out with. Yes, she might call you once in a while and things might be the same with her as they are now but you have to admit- The person you become when you talk to her, is long gone. You have grown up and seen the world by that time and the things you used to giggle about may sound lame to you when you are 34.

This does not mean that you stop being Best friends with that person for she has been and will always be the most special part of your life. No boyfriend or husband is going to be able to understand you the way your bestfriend does. Noone will be able to talk you into eating when you are screwed up with work, or get you to sleep when you have been drained out by life. You can be famous, you can have more that 500likes on your new facebook profile picture, you can talk and go clubbing with all those friends; But nothing will feel so pure, so raw, so beautiful as going for those long walks in a cold winter evening, randomnly going to each other’s house just to sleep or maybe talking to them for 4-5 hours at night.

You wont be able to meet her everyday, maybe not even once in a year, maybe not even once in 5 years (because life’s a bitch :/) but you need to know that change is not all that bad either. The things that are going to come your way are going to be an adventure of their own. You may not be able to call your bestfriend for every little reason like just tell her how excited and happy you were when you got wet in the rain or maybe that you fell off the stairs or maybe if you are just bored.

But you should know that the only girl who is going to look prettier than you on your wedding day, is your Best Friend! No matter what life throws in your way, no matter how bad your day. week or year has been, a call from your best friend will always light up your life like the crackers during a Diwali night.

Changes are going to happen. Everything is going to change. But never give up on her, never give up on the relations that remind you who you were before all your achievements ; for she is the threads that attach the new you to your old you.

And who has seen life 60 years from today? You might just be lucky enough to have your best friends sitting next to you in an old couch in your apartment, watching ‘F.R.I.E.N.D.S’ for the zillionth time and  cherishing the beautiful lemons life has taught you!

 

 

 

 

 

INDEPENDENT but also EMOTIONAL?

This is what it means to be independent: you make your own decisions, you stand on your own two feet, you pull yourself up when you fall down, and you have your sh*t together.

You have always been this way, always been okay on your own. You have never been afraid to go solo and to trust yourself. And you are continually looking for ways to be even more self-sufficient, to carve your own life path, to do what you want.

But you also love. And love terribly, beautifully, fully. You love with a passion that’s sickening. A consuming, knotting, mess of emotion that interweaves you with another person. A love that twists your feelings, throws you upside-down, and makes you put your faith and stubbornness and fiercely-independent self in the hands of this other person.

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You love with a passion that’s sickening. A consuming, knotting, mess of emotion that interweaves you with another person.

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Because of this, you live in a constant state of tension. There are two things you want—to be your own person and to love—but you want them just as equally. You crave that sense of self, the ability to not have to depend on anyone else for the life you want. But when you love, you mesh your life with another person’s. Willingly. Happily. The path you have set for yourself becomes tangled with that person’s. And this both thrills and terrifies you.

Your world then becomes an inner battle. You quiet your stubborn mind and give into love. You find yourself curling into this person’s lap like a puppy, craving his touch, his kiss. Falling. You become the woman that confides in a man, the woman that leans on a man when she’s feeling lost, the woman that thinks of this man equally, if not before, herself. This is beautiful. This is love.

But then you suddenly balk. You feel weak, dependent, breakable. You have become the woman that let a man in, who trusted him, who can easily be crushed by the same hands that touch her. So you swing to the other side. You pull away. You spend time alone, just recharging, remembering that sense of self. Letting go.

Neither side makes you fully happy. Neither side leaves you feeling complete. You cannot seem to find a balance because you crave both things so equally. And so you live in this place of tension—what you want and who you are, what you are becoming and yet so scared to be.

You are an independent woman. A woman with a strong heart and passionate soul. You cannot let go of that part of you, the part that decides for herself, finds strength in her ability to stand alone. Yet you cannot be afraid to love. You cannot be afraid to embrace that ridiculously emotional side of you, the side that blends your strength with your passion. The side that makes you whole.

You are not complete without both—without the strength you carry, without the tears and words and kisses you freely give. You are a strong woman. You are an emotional woman. You are a perfect mix of both.

Good old days :’)

Do your remember those days when we were toddlers? Jumping around everywhere, doing what we wanted to , those carefree days when we didn’t know the meaning of hatred and ego, and when we were all friends, we were all together.

For just one day, let’s bring back those days again. Forget ego, forget groups.  Lets all shake hands , today. Lets bring back what was lost somewhere while we were growing up, let’s bring back our innocence.

For one last time. Just one last time.

For the child in us who never dies! :’)

I believe in love..

When you are completely addicted to the horrors of your fantasy and detatched from reality to some unknown place where you truly belong, remember- You my friend, are in love!

Yes, I do believe in love. Not the 21st century new love, but the passionate, eternal, mad kind of love. I fell in love with a new born infant slowly breathing, growing with his every breath and with a child’s innocence, who has got no clue what he is being pushed towards. I fell in love with a woman , who carries the world on her fragile shoulders and yet smiles her way through. I fell in love with a gentleman, who pulls out the chair for his lady, with the man who’de do anything for the love of his wife and daughter. I fell in love with the animals, with the beauty of nature, with the slow wind in my hair, with freedom. I fell in love with the 3am silence, the break of the dawn. When the suns sets and the moon smiles through the clouds, or when the sky slowly changes his colours or when the peacock flaunts it’s beauty for the rain.

I fall in love each time my eye catches a beautiful illustration or when words play itself in a beautiful poem.

I have come more alive that ever before. Yes. I do believe in Love. 

Your mother..

Your mother is always with you . She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street. She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick , the fragrance of life itself. She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well. She’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day. She’s the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colours of a rainbow. She’s the Christmas morning.  Your mother lives inside your laughter. She’s the place you come from, the first home and she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space, not even Death….

Maa, I promise..

Everytime I left,
I knew at the end of the day I’ll be home. Because you would be waiting for me. Eager to see me and you would ask me how my day was and you would tell me about yours. You would keep my clothes and food ready. You wouldn’t sleep until I ate. I would be carefree because I knew I had your back. You would shout scold at me only because you cared,you cared too much.
I thought I would be free when I was away. I would be independent. But little did I know that at the end of the day it is your face that calmed me down, your warm words that comforted me, your tension that let me sleep peacefully. I always tried going away from you, but it was always you I wanted to come to. I went around looking for happiness in everyone else, but my true happiness was at home, who’s day started with me and ended with me. I have never said, I just couldn’t. But I love you mom. You are my world. You are the best person. I will never let you down. Everything I do I’ll do it for you.
You will, once again, walk proudly, you will shop without seeing the price tags, you will smile, you will shine, I promise.

Dog

A dog has no use of fancy cars, big homes or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn’t care if you are rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he’ll give you his. How many people can you say this about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary ?

People leave.

People always leave.
Without any goodbye, without any warning.
One fine day, they just leave.
Some by God’s grace and nature’s will
And some by ego and man’s emotions.
Some wanted to stay but were pulled by the forces and some never wanted to stay.
But either ways, they leave a poison behind ,that slowly spreads until it destroys every hope within you.
There’s a pit in my stomach aching to tell you everything i always wanted to, everything i couldn’t. There’s a volcano within me with all that was unfinished, with all that you left behind. Our memories, those words, that soft touch, the pain, the love, Why don’t you take it all with you? Why have you left them with me, to live with it?
Why did you give me hope and lead me on, for something happy,

For all was a myth in the web of your words.

All left is peaces of broken heart, memories, and silence.
..Until time heals you again and life makes you stronger, for the bigger realities of life, for bigger challenges, for bigger heartbreaks.

Life as a creative person!

Life as a creative person is like walking on a rope.

“I have to balance. I have to keep my balance . I begin to lose my balance in my own melodrama. It is frustrating, that I keep living my life upto others interpretations onto what I ought to be. And when faced with unappreciation, I start losing my own connections. And so, I keep smiling and do what I do best!”

Creativity is your gift to the world. It was never meant to be bartered for anything, not even appreciation. You have to dig deep. You have to believe that you only create, because this is the best gift you have for the world. That is why even God is known as a creater! Its not about cars and houses. It never was. They never came because of your talent or creative outporings. They came out of a business that people around you, do. Those people are in the business of barter , not you. Your is the business of giving and learning. Your works of art may never be complete in your lifetime. 

So look behind the big brats, critics and look within You. You always have a choice between barter and creation.

Life as a creator will always be a tight rope. So do not try to feed your stomach with creativity, it is the food for the soul. Do not be afraid to defy conventions. Do not be afraid to destroy systems that kills art and your souls. Do not be afraid to be hungry and do not be afraid to walk alone if necessary,

Because  on a tight rope, we all walk alone!